


I really love you but I don’t want to sleep with you

by kaypancake



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Mark Lee, Asexuality, Boyfriends, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten is a Good Friend, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is a supportive boyfriend, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29804070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaypancake/pseuds/kaypancake
Summary: “It’s between me and Donghyuck… I think he wants to sleep with me.”Ten burst out laughing. “Yeah, of course, he does! Don’t you want that too?” He asked, tilting his head in curiosity. It could have so easily sounded accusatory, but it was Ten.He breathed, thinking for a bit. “Not… really?”Or : how Mark realised he was asexual.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 6
Kudos: 152





	I really love you but I don’t want to sleep with you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with projecting on my favourite idols ahah  
> I put that one off for a long time but i'm pretty satisfied with it, you'll tell me what you think of it
> 
> Reminder that there is as many asexual experiences as there is ace people, this is just one of them :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Mark and Donghyuck were dating for over six months. But they were so busy, managing multiple comebacks, various schedules and trainings, they barely had any time or energy left to do much of the ‘dating’ thing. 

The two of them usually ended up cuddling or making out in their bed. Occasionally crashing in each other’s room when they were too lazy to go back to their dorm.

Mark wasn’t stupid, he noticed how often Haechan was the one initiating the passionate make-outs. He wouldn’t be surprised if his boyfriend wanted to pass to the next step. 

It freaked him out. It wasn’t that Mark wasn’t ready. More often than not he never thought about it. When sex seemed to be in everyone’s mind, it kind of went over his head.

Most people blamed his religious side or just his innocence. But Mark wasn’t innocent, he knew about sex for a long time. He had watched porn (boring) and read enough smut in his Harry Potter fandom days (not as boring because fanfic authors are weirdly creative when it comes to sex scenes), to know how it was supposed to go about. Mark even had to go through the extremely awkward “talk” from some of his members when he turned 16.

It wasn’t innocence, indifference would be more a fitting term. Maybe disgust when he listened to his hyungs talking about their random hookups...

So, Donghyuck’s lingering touches and winks slightly panicked Mark. It wasn’t the actions themselves; the rapper was a sucker for his boyfriend’s cuddles. It was all the expectations behind it.

That was why he was knocking at WayV’s dorm. The only person he could talk about it was Ten. He would rather die than live through anyone else’s teasing or painful heterosexuality.

A tired-looking Yangyang opened the door. “Oh, Mark,” he smiled. “Who were you looking for?”

“I need to see Ten.”

His friend nodded and opened the door wider to let the Canadian in. He was welcomed by a loud but small dog rushing at his feet. Yangyang crouched at Bella’s level to pet her. “Ten is in his room. You know the way?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Mark replied and headed to the said room after taking off his shoes. 

Mark didn’t visit WayV’s dorm often and it seemed that the number of pet toys had at least doubled since last time.

He knocked on the door and without waiting for Ten’s response, opened the door.

His hyung was still on his bed, drawing on his tablet. He looked soft, his hair ruffled and wearing a shirt too big for him. Louis (or maybe Leon, honestly Mark didn’t differentiate them) was curled up against Ten’s leg. Mark couldn’t help but smile. They were cute.

He raised his head to check who barged into his bedroom.

“Mark, it’s you. What are you doing here?” 

The Canadian boy took that as an invitation and sat on the other side of Ten’s bed. “Well, I wanted to talk to you about something. And I didn’t really see myself ask any other hyungs.”

Ten put his iPad away to focus on Mark. “Yeah sure, what’s wrong?”

“No! Nothing’s wrong!” Mark panicked a bit, shaking his hands. Ten nodded slowly, waiting for the younger boy to continue. “It’s between me and Donghyuck… I think he wants to sleep with me.”

Ten burst out laughing. “Yeah, of course, he does!” 

“Hyung…” Mark whined making Ten laugh more, throwing his head back.

The younger leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for Ten’s laughing fit to finally calm down.

“Sorry, sorry. But yeah, of course, he wants to have sex with you. He’s your boyfriend.” He added like it was obvious. “Don’t you want that too?” He asked, tilting his head in curiosity. It could have so easily sounded accusatory, but it was Ten. 

He breathed, thinking for a bit. “Not… really?” It almost sounded like a question. Mark looked down at his hands. “I barely ever think about it. Donghyuck is always the one who starts going for more than kisses.”

“Are you ready for that? Because it’s fine if you aren’t.” Ten asked and Mark was glad he came to him. As much as Ten loved teasing him, he knew when to be serious and caring.

“I don’t know. I just don’t really want it to happen. It’s not that I’m not ready… I don’t want to be ready.” Mark explained as if he finally was able to put words on feelings he never considered before.

“Have you told Donghyuck?”

Mark groaned as an answer. He threw himself back, laying on the bed. He grabbed a pillow and hid his head under it. 

It didn’t last long because Ten stole it from him and forced the younger to sat back up to look at him dead in the eyes.

“I’m serious, have you told him?” Ten asked again, this time more assertive. Mark sighed loudly.

“ _Ten_ ,” he said, a bit of desperation showing through his tone. “I’m a 21-year-old who doesn’t want to have sex. It’s _lame_.”

Ten lightly shook his head. “Not necessarily. Having sex is supposed to be fun. But it’s not mandatory.” He explained softly. “If you aren’t ready, if you don’t want to, for whatever reason, no one has the right to tell you what to do in your own bedroom.”

Mark slowly nodded, understanding. Nothing Ten just said was groundbreaking, nor new to Mark. But it did make him feel better.

“And maybe you are asexual?” Ten added, leaning back against his pillows.

Mark looked at him, puzzled.

“Asexual? What is it?” Mark interrogated. He never heard that word. But he wasn’t well versed in the LGBTQ community. Ten and Haechan were the ones who had to give him a PowerPoint presentation to explain the whole acronym when Mark started questioning his sexuality. 

Haechan and Ten were the ones who had seemingly unlimited information on the community. 

“Someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction. Or very little of it. Like if they see someone very hot, they’re not gonna go ‘Woah I want them to fuck me’ you know?”

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Because people go around thinking about how other people could bone them?” 

“Yes.”

“Why though?”

“I don’t know. They’re hot.” Ten shrugged.

It made Mark sigh. “You aren’t helping, hyung. But I’m gonna look into it.”

“Anyway, talk to your boyfriend. Set your boundaries.” Ten looked at Mark very seriously, a warning in his eyes. Boyfriend or not, if Donghyuck hurt Mark, he would suffer the consequences. He continued. “Because if he’s stepping on your boundaries without even knowing, you might do something you aren’t ready to do and you are going to resent him. Or worse.”

Mark nodded. It made sense; he just dreaded to have this discussion. He already struggled to understand himself, talking to someone else about it, even Haechan, felt impossible. A sigh escaped his lips. He had too much on his plate right now.

Suddenly, a door opened and Yukhei appeared. He leaned on the door frame with his usual smile. “We’re making lunch, are you staying to eat?”

“Yeah, sure.” Mark agreed, happily.

:-:

He had come back home completely wrecked by his dancing practice. They were preparing a new comeback and were learning the choreography. 

Mark had just enough energy to quickly shower and collapsed on his bed. He closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep before he had to go help with dinner.

The rapper was almost falling asleep when he felt a weight on the side of his bed and then a body falling on him. He groaned as he opened his eyes, blinking.

Of course, it was Haechan.

“Hyuck, baby. ‘m trying to sleep.” He hummed, his words a bit slurred by the fatigue.

Without saying anything, the younger lay down next to him and nuzzled against Mark’s neck. Instinctively, Mark wrapped his arms around Donghyuck’s waist. He closed his eyes again.

They stayed that way for a moment, Mark genuinely trying to sleep and Donghyuck simply enjoying the cuddle. However, when the younger started kissing Mark’s neck, it distracted him. “Hyuck.” He warned, but it didn’t stop the other.

The vocalist flipped them to the side. He was now leaning on top of Mark, sitting on his tummy. Despite that, Mark continued to ignore him, keeping his eyes firmly closed.

The younger laid kisses on his neck, his jaw, slowly going up to his lips.

With an annoyed groan, Mark finally gave up on his nap.

“Lee Donghyuck.” He said again, his voice more serious. He grabbed Haechan’s arms and pulled him away a bit as he sat down.

Ten’s words came back to him. _“If he’s stepping on your boundaries without even knowing, you are going to resent him. Or worse.”_ He really was going to have that talk, huh. 

“Can we talk?”

Donghyuck was still on Mark’s lap, their faces few centimetres away. Mark could notice the glimmer of anguish tensing his boyfriend’s face.

“Sorry.” The younger faltered, lowering his face.

“What? No. It’s nothing bad.” He assured quickly. He wanted to be serious, but he didn’t want Donghyuck to imagine the worse. “I mean I would have appreciated if you had let me nap in peace but I needed to talk to you anyway.”

Mark breathed deeply, trying to get rid of his own fear. He had planned what he wanted to say. But now that he actually had to say it, nothing came to him. So, he improvised.

“I know you want to have sex with me.”

Okay, for someone whose job was to play with words, it wasn’t exactly smooth.

Donghyuck almost choked, not really knowing how to react. “I mean, yes. Why?”

“I still need to look everything up. Because I’m not really sure…” He rambled. Mark looked at the ceiling, trying to ignore his boyfriend’s face and the crippling anxiety that filled him. “Oh my god why is it so hard. I’m so ridiculous!” He exclaimed, chuckling nervously.

“Love, look at me.” Donghyuck said quietly and Mark complied. “You are not ridiculous. Now tell me what is on your mind.”

“I think I’m asexual. And like… I really love you, but I don’t really want to sleep with you. If you want to break up with me, I would understand.”

Mark was looking down, again, not ready to face the other. Haechan cupped his boyfriend’s face with his hands. Forcing him to look into his eyes.

“Hyung. Do you really have that little faith in me?” There was so much love on his face. Years and years of friendship, loyalty and love, written all over Donghyuck’s face.

Honestly, now Mark felt bad to have assumed Haechan’s reaction would be so negative. “I mean… You looked very enthusiast about the ‘taking the next step’ thing.” He mumbled sheepishly.

“I did not fall in love with you when I was 14 and tried to get with you these last six years to let go of you just because I can’t fuck you.” 

“Because in your mind, I would have let you fuck me?” Mark joked, smiling cockily.

“Yes, and you would have loved it,” Haechan whispered, smiling back. He continued more thoughtful. “But if you don’t want to do it, I’m fine with it. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m here because I’m madly in love with you, not because I want to sleep with you.”

Mark’s heart melted and a single tear rolled slowly along his cheek. Donghyuck lightly wipe it away. "Eh, don't get all emotional," Haechan said, trying to brush off his vulnerability. "I'm not handling your crying ass."

“I love you too,” Mark said weakly.

“Cuddle with me,” Haechan whispered as if it would break the moment if he dared to speak too loudly. Mark nodded and they found themselves in the same position they were before. Mark playing with the hem of Haechan’s shirt and Donghyuck patting his boyfriend’s head.

“Mark?” The younger called.

“Yeah?” Mark mumbled, looking back at his boyfriend’s face.

“Do you have any other things you feel uncomfortable about?”

Mark really thought about it. “No, not really.” He finally shook his head. “I like kissing you. And I don’t mind when you get kinda handsy on me. It makes me feel special, the way you spoil me." Mark flushed. "And you do have very kissable lips.”

Donghyuck laughed and Mark felt so loved and at home.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to gift that fic to everyone who is ace, i hope you find peace, love and support in your own identity.  
> I hope you liked it! Comments and kudos always makes my day so don't hesitate!
> 
> you can find me and my art on instagram (@ kayillio) !


End file.
